So it’s that time of year when women indulge in heart-shaped candy while awaiting their highly anticipated romantic gift that their significant other has poured countless hours of thought into. Unless you’re like me and have been married for several years, have some kids, a pet, a job, and 5 loads of laundry to do. Then your V-Day goes a little more like this:
7am: You find yourself staring at each other while the kids have been asking (or should I say whining) for breakfast for the past 20 minutes and you just can’t ignore them anymore. A silent “first one to move loses” war ensues, with the loser up in a huff to start some frozen waffles.
8am: Everyone is miraculously showered, dressed, and ready to roll. Quick goodbye kisses are exchanged, as well as a run down on drop off and pick up.
8:10am: In the driveway. Forgot 4-year old’s lunch. Leave the car running with the kids inside while you race into the house avoiding the disapproving looks from your nosy neighbor. Run back in again for the milk that your 2-year old demands with an aggravating fury.
8:30am: 2-year old spills milk all over car during daycare drop off. Briefly notice all the perky teachers wearing red.
9am: At work, the office has been decorated with red hearts and ribbon covering every possible surface. Notice a huge bowl of conversation hearts in the center of the table.
9:10am: Check Facebook feed and realize it’s Valentine’s Day. Think to yourself, did we plan anything? Did we book a babysitter? What day is it today? Eat some conversation hearts.
9:12am: Text husband, “Happy Valentine’s Day!”
10:30am: Feign interest while your admin scrolls through pics of the hotel her boyfriend booked in Napa for the night. Pause to think- did I forget to dress the kids in red today?
11am: Notice no response yet from husband. Assume that he too has forgotten and has promptly started to FREAK OUT. Feel a little pissed that he forgot, even though you did too. He’s the dude, isn’t he supposed to be in charge of this ONE holiday? Grab another handful of conversation hearts.
12pm: Lunch break. Ignore text from friend about the romantic reservation her husband made. On second thought, text your 3 best babysitters to see if they are free last minute to watch the kids for a few hours. No response. Race to Target for a last minute V-day gift for hubby. Also end up grabbing laundry detergent, Paw Patrol sunglasses, Superman underwear, markers, deodorant, milk, bread, and paper towels. Almost forget Valentine’s Day card. Grab another bag of conversation hearts. Back to office.
5pm: On the way home, get a little excited that maybe, just maybe, hubby has pulled a fast one on you this year and his silence all day is just a part of his romantic plan. Your mood is noticeably improved until you realize you are sitting in spoiled milk. Open new bag of conversation hearts.
5:30pm: Walk into the house, where music is playing and something smells delicious. There are flowers on the table, and hubby has a knowing smile on his face. You give him a kiss and hand him his Hallmark card. Realize you forgot to sign it and grab it back. Pretend you need to go to the bathroom and hastily write out a loving message about how much he means to you.
5:45pm: Walk back into kitchen, where something is definitely burning. Husband is no longer smiling, and the steaks are now singed and the mushrooms rubbery. Notice kids smearing playdoh into carpet through the smoky haze. Fire alarm subsequently goes off. Slowly back away and sneak a few more hearts out of your purse.
6pm: Order pizza.
8pm: Initiate bedtime.
9:30pm: Sit down on the couch with hubby and a big glass of wine. Before you turn on the TV or grab your laptop, exchange those Valentines. Snuggle together on the couch, laughing about your day, and realize that while neither of had an ideal day or fancy dinner, your Valentine’s Day turned out perfectly.