I have always been a guys’ girl. Don’t get me wrong, because I’m not a tomboy. I’m definitely girly and have a strong feminine nature. But when it comes to my social circles, they are primarily male. I really get along better with guys, and I don’t have a big girl group. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of my life being bullied or ostracized by girls.
As a girl hanging out with dudes, there’s always been ways that I am different. No one else is putting on makeup or has an extra tampon. And when I became a mom, well, no one else did.
Since I was a little girl, I have always known that I wanted to get married and have children. One thing I did not realize was how much my social life was going to revolve around being a mom. Especially since I am a stay at home mom, I was immediately thrown into the world of playgroups. I am also a writer, so it wasn’t long until I became a full-fledged mommy blogger.
I truly love the connections I have with other moms, and I enjoy every moment of it. What I don’t think other people realize, though, is that this is the first time in my life I feel fully accepted and at home in any kind of girl group. From an early age and into my early twenties, I always had no more than one or two close female friends at a time, while facing a lot of dirty looks and gossip behind my back from other girls around me. There were usually two of us girls and a bunch of cool, easygoing dudes at any given party. I always preferred that setup, so it wasn’t an issue for me, but it’s still really interesting seeing the other side.
I feel at home in my mom groups in a way I could never feel with my guy friends because I have so much to say about kids, family, marriage, and all the related topics. Plus, I have so much to learn from other women in the same situation. At the same time, part of me knows deep down that many of these girls wouldn’t have been my friend were we not both moms. Another part of me aches to hang out in my guy circles, and soak in their old familiarity, but I rarely get to now with my current set of responsibilities.
So how has my identity as a “guys’ girl” played into my parenting? For one thing, my little girl has at least twenty “uncles.” She’s still young, but I plan to teach her that it’s more important to forge deep friendships with meaningful people, whatever gender they identify with, than to fit into a popular group, get into a sorority, or have ten bridesmaids. I do want to encourage her to nourish same-sex friendships because they offer such a unique connection, but I want her to understand that it’s about quality, not quantity.